Well, I'm trying to stay on top of this thing, but I only feel compelled to blog when I discover something. But anyways, this post is dedicated to Alone.
If anyone knows me they know I LOVE to entertain. I love having people over my house and cooking for everyone and having a good time. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be one of those annoying moms that always wants her kids' friends over or is always having a dinner party with way too much food lol.
On the other hand though, I love my alone time. There are times when I just don't want to be around people and just enjoy my tv and doing nothing.
Lately, I thought that I was feeling Lonely. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You don't choose to be lonely. But anyways, I was starting to feel a little down that I wasn't having anybody over or able to go over to someone's house like I could in Fayetteville. I mean don't get me wrong, I have friends in the area but for some reason that wasn't enough.
After sulking about it for awhile, I started to question myself: Why am I alone right now? What do I want in people that I hang out with? etc. and then I realized: I was actually doing some Self-Reflection. I was looking deep within myself and talking to God about what all I wanted and needed on my life and what I needed to change/keep the same about myself. I then realized that there was no way that I could have had that type of inner meditation/conversation with God if I had had tons of people over and trying to be the worlds largest people person.
I used to hate being alone with my thoughts because I was in a bad place in life and would normally end up crying for hours in hurt rather than realizing positive things about myself.
Now I see that God was making me be alone in order to bring me closer to Him and to begin to see certain things about myself that I like and dislike. Just now when I realize things that I dislike about myself, I am strong enough to accept them and try to change rather than to just get discouraged and cry about them.
So sometimes it's good to be alone because that's one of the best times to reflect and have a genuine conversation with the Man Upstairs.
I'm glad He's brought me to this point in life where He can show me my faults and I can accept them. So the next time that you get down about not having anyone to hangout with on a Saturday or something, think, Could this be God trying to get me to have some down time with myself and Him? Just some food for thought.
Until next time,
Jasmine
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tears of Joy, Peace, and Love
Well now that I've started blogging, i guess i should do better at keeping up with it lol. But I had a moment last night and I'd like to share it with the world, mainly bc if i keep it in my head i'll go crazy! But first here is a little background to my testimony:
As most of you know I'm diabetic. Yeah, I know, another black overweight female with diabetes (shocker!!). But anyway, I was officially diagnosed about 7yrs ago and I've been halfway doing right the whole time. Well, recently I started to have some negative effects from it. Nerve problems were starting etc.
So since I'm in a new city I decided I'll have a new health start as well. No need in bringing old issues to a new place. So i go to the Doctor's office and i hear the usual "you could lose weight" etc. And then this doctor, a black female who wasn't afraid to tell it like it is, said something that shocked me to my core.
She said, "I really don't know how you're not dead or some sort of handicap by now". I looked at her like this ------> o_O. She said that the way that I had been carrying on and not taking care of myself that I should have been on dialysis, lost a limb or two, had eye problems and God knows what else. I had never heard that before. I mean of course I knew the risks etc associated with Diabetes but to have someone actually tell me that I should be dead was mind blowing.
Her statement made me realize that I am truly blessed and never had a clear understanding of God and His works. I mean if you knew me in my early high school years, or throughout college for that matter lol, you know that I've done some things that can be considered unforgivable, evil, wrong, immoral etc. But for some reason He has allowed me to live thru it all.
For a long time I really thought that God didn't love me for all that I had done. I would cry bc I felt I didn't have any worth whatsoever. But now looking over it I realize that all He's ever done is love me. Why else would he allow me to not only live day to day, but to live without any of the health problems that I really deserved to have? I mean you see people all the time that have lost feet, hands to complications from diabetes and for some reason God allowed me to be spared from that.
With all this new info I decided to really make a life change. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'm one of the sexiest things walking lol, but now my goal is to be even sexier. I'm trying to lose at least 20lbs by September. And I want to do it the healthy way.
By looking after all I've been all I can do is cry. But these are no longer tears of sadness and pain, but rather tears of Joy and love and gratitude in knowing that God is there for me thru any and everything.
There is a reason that this blog is titled "Realizing I Can" because I realize that I CAN have a relationship with God, I can be open to Him, I can be assured that He loves me no matter what I do, and I can be a woman of worth in His eyes.
Please don't be like me and doubt His love for you. Because when you think about it, you should have been dead or hurt probably a million times over. This new sense of life I have is something I thought I'd never have and now I want to share it with everyone and hope that noone else has those bad feelings that I used to.
So I'm gonna get back to work so that I can stop crying(I teared up the whole time I was writing this).
Until next time... Be Blessed and Drink Diet Coke lol.
Jasmine!!
As most of you know I'm diabetic. Yeah, I know, another black overweight female with diabetes (shocker!!). But anyway, I was officially diagnosed about 7yrs ago and I've been halfway doing right the whole time. Well, recently I started to have some negative effects from it. Nerve problems were starting etc.
So since I'm in a new city I decided I'll have a new health start as well. No need in bringing old issues to a new place. So i go to the Doctor's office and i hear the usual "you could lose weight" etc. And then this doctor, a black female who wasn't afraid to tell it like it is, said something that shocked me to my core.
She said, "I really don't know how you're not dead or some sort of handicap by now". I looked at her like this ------> o_O. She said that the way that I had been carrying on and not taking care of myself that I should have been on dialysis, lost a limb or two, had eye problems and God knows what else. I had never heard that before. I mean of course I knew the risks etc associated with Diabetes but to have someone actually tell me that I should be dead was mind blowing.
Her statement made me realize that I am truly blessed and never had a clear understanding of God and His works. I mean if you knew me in my early high school years, or throughout college for that matter lol, you know that I've done some things that can be considered unforgivable, evil, wrong, immoral etc. But for some reason He has allowed me to live thru it all.
For a long time I really thought that God didn't love me for all that I had done. I would cry bc I felt I didn't have any worth whatsoever. But now looking over it I realize that all He's ever done is love me. Why else would he allow me to not only live day to day, but to live without any of the health problems that I really deserved to have? I mean you see people all the time that have lost feet, hands to complications from diabetes and for some reason God allowed me to be spared from that.
With all this new info I decided to really make a life change. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'm one of the sexiest things walking lol, but now my goal is to be even sexier. I'm trying to lose at least 20lbs by September. And I want to do it the healthy way.
By looking after all I've been all I can do is cry. But these are no longer tears of sadness and pain, but rather tears of Joy and love and gratitude in knowing that God is there for me thru any and everything.
There is a reason that this blog is titled "Realizing I Can" because I realize that I CAN have a relationship with God, I can be open to Him, I can be assured that He loves me no matter what I do, and I can be a woman of worth in His eyes.
Please don't be like me and doubt His love for you. Because when you think about it, you should have been dead or hurt probably a million times over. This new sense of life I have is something I thought I'd never have and now I want to share it with everyone and hope that noone else has those bad feelings that I used to.
So I'm gonna get back to work so that I can stop crying(I teared up the whole time I was writing this).
Until next time... Be Blessed and Drink Diet Coke lol.
Jasmine!!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
1st Blog/Testimony
Well after talking to one of the most important women in my life MY MOM. I decided to blog to reach out and share my testimonies with the world. A lot of good has happened to me lately that the world said never would.
After graduating ,which ppl said I would never do, I hit a rut where I couldn't get a job or accepted to grad school. I got really depressed and thought that maybe people were right and that I should have just given up and went back to Conway and worked a regular job. But I prayed about it and asked God to direct me to what He wants for me and NOT wht I want Him to want for me(there is a difference bt thts a later post lol).
After a few dead end interviews I got an interview for a Land o'Lakes (the butter people) in Blytheville,AR. I got the job and was too excited!! Finally after everything someone wanted to take a chance on me. I started gettin ready to leave NWA and move to NEA. But then things took a turn for the worst and the company started to act funny and shady and it started to scare me. Am I making the right decision? Do I really want to live in a town smaller than Conway? If you know me you know I tend to overthink things and this was a major decision.
So while I was thinking and praying for guidance, I got a call for an interview for a job in Memphis. I had already spoken to them once before and had written them off bc they never got back to me. Well I took a leap of faith and went for the interview and I LOVED the place!! And better yet they made me an offer for the same amount as Land O'Lakes and I'd live in Memphis.
So I went ahead and turned down L O'L and began moving to Memphis. And it has been one of the BEST decisions I've ever made!! I love the people I work with, the actual work I do, and I love that I'm in a bigger city and have more to do and go see. Plus I'm closer to my family and friends in this area.
I guess my real testimony is that when I finally decided to step out on faith, everything came together almost effortlessly. We don't need to worry once we put it in His hands and I guess He had to teach me a lesson lol. But all in all Im glad I'm here and can't wait to continue telling all of His goodness (and my own thoughts lol) on here.
Until then....... All Smiles right now.
After graduating ,which ppl said I would never do, I hit a rut where I couldn't get a job or accepted to grad school. I got really depressed and thought that maybe people were right and that I should have just given up and went back to Conway and worked a regular job. But I prayed about it and asked God to direct me to what He wants for me and NOT wht I want Him to want for me(there is a difference bt thts a later post lol).
After a few dead end interviews I got an interview for a Land o'Lakes (the butter people) in Blytheville,AR. I got the job and was too excited!! Finally after everything someone wanted to take a chance on me. I started gettin ready to leave NWA and move to NEA. But then things took a turn for the worst and the company started to act funny and shady and it started to scare me. Am I making the right decision? Do I really want to live in a town smaller than Conway? If you know me you know I tend to overthink things and this was a major decision.
So while I was thinking and praying for guidance, I got a call for an interview for a job in Memphis. I had already spoken to them once before and had written them off bc they never got back to me. Well I took a leap of faith and went for the interview and I LOVED the place!! And better yet they made me an offer for the same amount as Land O'Lakes and I'd live in Memphis.
So I went ahead and turned down L O'L and began moving to Memphis. And it has been one of the BEST decisions I've ever made!! I love the people I work with, the actual work I do, and I love that I'm in a bigger city and have more to do and go see. Plus I'm closer to my family and friends in this area.
I guess my real testimony is that when I finally decided to step out on faith, everything came together almost effortlessly. We don't need to worry once we put it in His hands and I guess He had to teach me a lesson lol. But all in all Im glad I'm here and can't wait to continue telling all of His goodness (and my own thoughts lol) on here.
Until then....... All Smiles right now.
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