Tears of Joy, Peace, and Love

Well now that I've started blogging, i guess i should do better at keeping up with it lol. But I had a moment last night and I'd like to share it with the world, mainly bc if i keep it in my head i'll go crazy! But first here is a little background to my testimony:
As most of you know I'm diabetic. Yeah, I know, another black overweight female with diabetes (shocker!!). But anyway, I was officially diagnosed about 7yrs ago and I've been halfway doing right the whole time. Well, recently I started to have some negative effects from it. Nerve problems were starting etc.
So since I'm in a new city I decided I'll have a new health start as well. No need in bringing old issues to a new place. So i go to the Doctor's office and i hear the usual "you could lose weight" etc. And then this doctor, a black female who wasn't afraid to tell it like it is, said something that shocked me to my core.
She said, "I really don't know how you're not dead or some sort of handicap by now". I looked at her like this ------> o_O. She said that the way that I had been carrying on and not taking care of myself that I should have been on dialysis, lost a limb or two, had eye problems and God knows what else. I had never heard that before. I mean of course I knew the risks etc associated with Diabetes but to have someone actually tell me that I should be dead was mind blowing.
Her statement made me realize that I am truly blessed and never had a clear understanding of God and His works. I mean if you knew me in my early high school years, or throughout college for that matter lol, you know that I've done some things that can be considered unforgivable, evil, wrong, immoral etc. But for some reason He has allowed me to live thru it all.
For a long time I really thought that God didn't love me for all that I had done. I would cry bc I felt I didn't have any worth whatsoever. But now looking over it I realize that all He's ever done is love me. Why else would he allow me to not only live day to day, but to live without any of the health problems that I really deserved to have? I mean you see people all the time that have lost feet, hands to complications from diabetes and for some reason God allowed me to be spared from that.
With all this new info I decided to really make a life change. Now don't get me wrong, I think I'm one of the sexiest things walking lol, but now my goal is to be even sexier. I'm trying to lose at least 20lbs by September. And I want to do it the healthy way.
By looking after all I've been all I can do is cry. But these are no longer tears of sadness and pain, but rather tears of Joy and love and gratitude in knowing that God is there for me thru any and everything.
There is a reason that this blog is titled "Realizing I Can" because I realize that I CAN have a relationship with God, I can be open to Him, I can be assured that He loves me no matter what I do, and I can be a woman of worth in His eyes.
Please don't be like me and doubt His love for you. Because when you think about it, you should have been dead or hurt probably a million times over. This new sense of life I have is something I thought I'd never have and now I want to share it with everyone and hope that noone else has those bad feelings that I used to.
So I'm gonna get back to work so that I can stop crying(I teared up the whole time I was writing this).
Until next time... Be Blessed and Drink Diet Coke lol.
        Jasmine!!